Autisim & Stress- 5 tips to surviving as the caregiver

Cars just cause stress- anyone with Autism should know this!

"That's just a fucking perfect way to start a fucking Monday morning".

OK. So now I'm awake!  Its a little after 6am and I have no idea why I even answered the phone at this un-godly hour.
My dreams of floating on cotton candy clouds drifted off as quickly as they arrived.
"Whats wrong I said to my Aspie?".  "I'll tell you what's fucking wrong, I'm on the side of the motorway and the fucking car won't go".  "Where exactly are you? "I fucking told you, I'm on the side of the motorway- don't you listen or something?".  I have my boss on the way". 

"So where exactly on the motorway are you?" I say again trying to collect my thoughts.  "You just don't fucking listen- I told you just near Silverdale on the motorway"he said.
"So whats wrong with the car?" (I can hear him frantically trying to start it in the back ground).  "I don't fucking know, I told you the battery had a problem, its probably that" he said still trying to start it.  " I said "please send me a photo of the battery so I can see if we can get it replaced "Fuck" he said again.
"I've just woken up and I'm trying to piece this together and you and not speaking to me very nicely" I say.
"Fine, I'll fucking leave you to it then". Beeeeeepppp.  Hes hung up....again.


And right there is how stress affects those with Autism.
If you are in the firing line, as I find myself with the 17 year old Asperger's boy I care-give for, you need to develop a thick skin.  Its not you they are Angry about, they are trying to tell you they are stressed and its affecting them.  Try and ask them to communicate detailed information (like where they are) when they are in this state and you won't get anywhere!

I texted him a bit after 8am to tell him I was very upset about how he treated me and that he didn't apologise (this gives them a chance to calm down also so they can think about how they have affected others).

So here are my Top 5 Tips to Surviving Autism Stress

1. Use Technology

If you are remote from the person, get them to use screen shots or pictures from their phone to show you the location of where they are, or photos.  In this state, their ability to communicate with your any details over the phone will be limited and this will stress them out even more.  If not, then get them to put a tracking app on their phone or get a Tile or similar to have on their key-ring on in their car which will triangular off wireless and GPS to give you their location.  Then you can tell them you know where they are and you can arrange help.

2. Do not take it personally

Most likely what has just happened is not your fault and probably nothing to do with you.  You must remember you are just an innocent by-stander and they are stressed out.  Try and stay calm yourself and ensure you get information to keep them safe as soon as you can out of them.  Then do something relaxing yourself.  Have a nice hot drink or sit and read a magazine for 10 mins.  Anything to just chill after the even for a few minutes.

3. Tell them how you feel about their behaviour & teach them to apologise

A few hours later, make sure you communicate how you feel.  I did it on a text message as it gives him a chance to calm down and respond when able, rather than on the spot which can cause even more stress. His response came through at 10am "Sorry, it was unacceptable".  (his behaviour).

4. Try and help to remove the stress (what triggered it)

I do my best to second guess what is behind a meltdown, its usually stress.  Then I have to work out what's causing the stress.  Is there a behaviour pattern repeat?  Is there an under-lying worry?.  Today I noticed two of these.  Firstly the car has been turning over very slow and sounding like the battery might be straining, secondly I know he was always worried that there was a space under the bonnet for 2 batteries, it didn't help that the mechanic also said "there should be two batteries".  Since then hes had an underlying worry that the battery will stop working eventually.  When it started to go, that just solidified it, despite a jump start fixing the issue.  So that lunchtime I went out and got two brand new batteries for $189 each.  A small price to pay to eliminate another full blown meltdown!

5. Talk about the event at a later time that day or the next day.

Its important with Autism to reflect and understand triggers and behaviors and to work out alternative ways to discuss the matter at the time in a calm and productive way, the more this is done, the more likely the next event will be less severe.